Advice for AP Testing

As someone who actually cried during the AP World History Exam, I don’t know how qualified I am to give advice outside of, do not cry. I overwhelmed myself and put too much pressure on doing well on the test, that I actually began to tear up when I didn’t know the changes in Chinese lifestyle under the Tang dynasty. I spent far too much energy and far too much time on a question I could have easily skipped or guessed on. I’m sure this is obvious, but do not let yourself get caught up in yourself. If you have to, down play the importance of the exam. If you allow yourself to treat it as a slightly less big deal, you won’t stress yourself out and ultimately, you won’t cry during the exam. I give myself little pep talks before I read any passage. I remind myself that I can score well on essays and I have the skills to get a good score. If you continue to remind yourself that you are more than capable of getting a good score, you can get rid of any insecurities that might cause you to, well, cry during the AP World History Exam, or AP Literature, but this is pretty much a post directed at my past self.

A Letter to Instagram

Dear Instagram,

tbh I want to delete you. It’s like every time I have a free minute, I’m scrolling. And like even when I run out of scrolling on my own feed, I click on my recommended and go through that feed. Why are you so addicting? It’s not even fair. You are the only app I use regularly outside of spotify, but I can’t jam on instagram. I mean really, you have taken over my free time, even my not free time. When I’m “doing hw” I’m actually just scrolling through you. I want to delete the app, I really freaking do. But I can’t get enough. There’s something always. Whether it’s zodiac stuff or make up videos or memes, I can find something entertaining about you. And it’s soooooo frustrating.

Whenever I’m bored, you are what I turn to. I could turn to like, walking outside or reading or something mildly productive. But of course, I get trapped scrolling and I’m like, stuck. The worst thing, tho, isn’t even that I get trapped. It’s that I get on your app, and I get serious FOMO. It’s like, oh look all these girls are on the beach for spring break. I wanna do that! I’m stuck at school and I’m stuck feeling bad because I’m not on the beach like those girls on my feed.

And then I get sucked in. I like the attention when I post a picture. It’s like, dopamine gets released with every like or comment and it’s unbelievably addicting. I love the comments, I love the likes. But then instagram starts to take over everything else in my life. It’s like I can’t go somewhere or do something without taking pictures to post. It’s annoying, but like, I can’t freaking stop. I’m so tempted to press delete, but I can’t do it. I want to get rid of you, clean up my phone and get back to like, actually living my life.

 

The Color Purple Q2 Response

Alice Walker provides a powerful commentary on the patriarchy that exists within both Celie’s marriage and in her relationship with her step-son. Walker establishes a convoluted family dynamic that combines with colloquialisms and blunt diction to create a poignantly hopeless mood. The lack of imagery, quotation marks, and elongated sentences reaffirms this mood. Blunt phrases such as “Harpo ast his daddy why he beat me” and “remind me of pa” set the context for the relationship between Celie and Harpo. Their relationship is tense at best, once again established in the blunt phrases Walker employs. The questions Harpo asks are abrasive, specifically when he asks “how come you stubborn?” Despite his forthright comments, there is an element of connection between the two when Harpo announces that he loves somebody. Within this announcement is a clear establishment of trust between the two characterizes, yet it contrasts with the overall mood of hopelessness. Such contradiction demonstrates the tense bond between Celie and Harpo, yet emphasizes the fact that there is a bond. The relationship shared by the two contrasts harshly against the relationship between Celie and her husband, one of abuse. Harpo is never outright abusive to Celie in the passage, yet his abrupt disobedience emphasizes the patriarchy present in the passage. When Celie explains he is not old enough to marry, Harpo is quick to respond “I is.” The direct contradiction reveals that while Celie is in the position to be a motherly figure, she is at the control of both her abusive husband, and her disobedient step-son. Despite the fact that Celie and Harpo connect on some level, it is clearly a relationship of hierarchy. Even so, the conversation that the two share is almost sweet in harsh contrast to Celie’s statement that “It all I can do not cry.” As a whole, Walker reveals that even a mother-son type of relationship is marked by patriarchy.

Every Man’s Burden

Take up every man’s burden

To protect and lead

Go send your sons into masculinity

To be stoic and unfeeling

To wait in unemotion

And be shamed into weakness

If pain is showed,

Half-woman and half-fragile

Take up every man’s burden

To be strong beyond compare

Never small nor delicate

And never revealing more

Take up every man’s burden

 

To live up to expectations

“Be a doctor” said to the nurse

“Parents have a hard time” said to the teacher

Take up every man’s burden

To never feel and never show

 

Take up the woman’s burden

To supress and to be silent

To cover up and cover mouths

Take up the woman’s burden

To stay at home and raise the kids

In face of opposition,

Lest she chooses her career over children

Take up the woman’s burden

To fight for authority and to fight for a voice

To be taken seriously

In careers where men are “more-suited”

When asked when she will have a child

For hiring purposes

 

Take up the burden faced by all

With gender roles and expectations

For no one is left unaffected.

 

 

 

March for Our Lives

Yesterday, I grabbed my sign and took the light rail downtown to participate in the student-organized March for Our Lives. I was never really invested in politics until this year and this was my first march. I was amazed at the turn out. I was surprised that it wasn’t just students. It was parents and teachers and even some old people that I would never expect to be there. The first hour was filled with speeches. Kids from Columbine, Arapahoe, Aurora, and Parkland spoke out about what they had been through and why they were there to march. It was powerful, but otherwise difficult to hear. My school has never been shot up. I will never understand what that’s like. Somehow that makes me the lucky one. The speeches honestly surprised me. In one, a survivor from the Araphoe shooting explained profusely that the issue we were marching for was not one that could be divided along party lines. Yesterday, we advocated for the safety and common sense gun laws. The most notable being raising the age from 18 to 21 in order to purchase a gun. Others supported instituting red flag laws that would allow family members of law enforcement to seek a court order that would temporarily restrict that person’s acsess to a firearm when they are found to be a danger to themselves or others. I was proud of the students I saw around me, students who are tired of practicing active shooter drills and feeling scared every time a fire alarm goes off.

I marched yesterday because as a 17 year old, I have lived through 32 mass shootings. I counted based on shootings where in more than 4 people died in a public place. Defining it any other way would increase that number. I have lived through more mass shootings than I have celebrated birthdays. Almost double. I marched yesterday because of one day where there was a lock down after school. I was taking one of my sister’s friends home while my sister, brother, and their other friend were rehearsing with Mrs. Schnell. There was an escpaed convict in the apartment building next to Skyview, but they didn’t know that. I received “I love you” texts, texts from Mrs. Schnell saying they were safe. I found out from my sister later that my brother was crying. With tears in his eyes, he kept repeating, ” I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die.” My sister told me she had to keep calm for him, but she was terrified. The next day, she was scared to go to school.

When I told my parents I wanted to attend the march, they were scared. A large group of people in support of gun control in a tight and outdoor space; they had every reason to be worried. I am still not allowed to go to midnight screenings of movies without my dad. My mom can’t forget the Aurora Theatre shooting. We have created a culture of fear. I marched because I’m tired of the fear.

 

Reflections in Hamlet

*realizing the parallels all throughout act 5 got me like*

Shakespeare continues to reflect aspects of human life through Hamlet. He explores complex family relationships as well as the contradictory desire for revenge and religious fulfillment. However, he does not solely reflect elements of human life. Throughout Act V of Hamlet, Shakespeare reflects earlier events of the play in a way that emphasizes the foils he employs and the overall theme of revenge.

Ophelia’s madness serves as a powerful parallel to earlier scenes of Hamlet’s madness. She is described as being “divided from herself and her fair judgement” making her equivalent to “pictures or mere beasts” (IV.v.92-93). Hamlet has a similar statement only a scene before, stating “what is a man if his chief good and market of his time be but to sleep and feed? A beast, no more” (IV.v.37). The parallel description of what truly defines humanity further reveals the complex desire for revenge Hamlet feels contrasted against the poignant grief Ophelia undergoes. Hamlet’s description establishes his desire for revenge as a noble one, while Ophelia’s description is one of dehumanization due to her perceived madness. This contrast further emphasizes both the differing expectations of women and men in the play, but also reveals the dichotomy Shakespeare explores between self perception and perception from others. While Hamlet perceives his desire as noble, Ophelia is perceived as equivalent to an animal.

Laertes also reflects Hamlet’s convoluted family life in describing the death of Polonius that “cries cuckold to my father, brands the harlot” (IV.v.132). Laertes’ statement is a direct reference to Hamlet’s complex family relationship. Hamlet’s father was betrayed by his mother, and Hamlet continually describes his mother as impure. This direct statement of similarity establishes Hamlet and Laertes as foils of each other. Laertes desires to be “revenged most thoroughly for [his] father,(IV.v.154)” much like Hamlet’s statement that his “thoughts be bloody or nothing worth” in only the scene prior (IV.iv.69). While the similarities seem endless in the fifth act, The stark difference between the two lies in Claudius’ treatment of the both of them. In the first act, Claudius describes Hamlet’s reaction as one of “unmanly grief” (I.ii.198) in contrast to Claudius promising Laertes “our crown, our life, and all that we call ours (IV.v.232). Claudius’s line parallels the structure of his earlier justification for why he murdered his brother stating “my crown, mine own ambition and my queen” (iii.iii. 59). The small differences between the two further emphasize Claudius’ upstanding treatment of Laertes in contrast to his harsh treatment of Hamlet. The two are clear foils of one another, chosen to legitimize Hamlet’s intense desire for revenge as well as Claudius’ complex character in his dichotomy of morality and pride.

Soliloquy Analysis Hamlet

Act II, scene ii

Now I am alone.

Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!

Is it not monstrous that this player here,

But in a fiction, in a dream of passion,

Could force his soul so to his own conceit

That from her working all his visage wanned,

Tears in his eyes, distraction in his aspect,

A broken voice, and his whole function suiting

With forms to his conceit? And all for nothing—

For Hecuba!

What’s Hecuba to him or he to Hecuba

That he should weep for her? What would he do

Had he the motive and the cue for passion

That I have? He would drown the stage with tears

And cleave the general ear with horrid speech,

Make mad the guilty and appall the free,

Confound the ignorant, and amaze indeed

The very faculties of eyes and ears. Yet I,

A dull and muddy-mettled rascal, peak

Like John-a-dreams, unpregnant of my cause,

And can say nothing—no, not for a king,

Upon whose property and most dear life

A damned defeat was made. Am I a coward?

Who calls me “villain”? Breaks my pate across?

Plucks off my beard and blows it in my face?

Tweaks me by the nose? Gives me the lie i’ th’ throat

As deep as to the lungs? Who does me this?

Ha!

‘Swounds, I should take it, for it cannot be

But I am pigeon-livered and lack gall

To make oppression bitter, or ere this

I should have fatted all the region kites

With this slave’s offal. Bloody, bawdy villain!

Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!

O vengeance!

Why, what an ass am I! This is most brave,

That I, the son of a dear father murdered,

Prompted to my revenge by heaven and hell,

Must, like a whore, unpack my heart with words

And fall a-cursing like a very drab,

A scullion! Fie upon ’t, foh!

About, my brain.—Hum, I have heard

That guilty creatures sitting at a play

Have, by the very cunning of the scene,

Been struck so to the soul that presently

They have proclaimed their malefactions.

For murder, though it have no tongue, will speak

With most miraculous organ. I’ll have these players

Play something like the murder of my father

Before mine uncle. I’ll observe his looks.

I’ll tent him to the quick. If he do blench,

I know my course. The spirit that I have seen

May be the devil, and the devil hath power

T’ assume a pleasing shape. Yea, and perhaps

Out of my weakness and my melancholy,

As he is very potent with such spirits,

Abuses me to damn me. I’ll have grounds

More relative than this. The play’s the thing

Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king.

Prompt: Write an essay in which you analyze Hamlet’s transition through the scene and discuss how it relates to the overall theme of the piece.

Thesis: Although Hamlet at first appears to self- deprecating and weak, his transition from helpless to vengeful illustrates the intensity of the revenge he desires as well as the hatred he has for his mother.

Hamlet begins his soliloquy “alone” and  as “a rogue and peasant slave” (II.ii.576-577). Through the use of harsh diction in “monstrous” and “all for nothing” he intensifies the tone of the passage to create a woeful, yet irate mood. There is a sharp shift in syntax, as Shakespeare writes a quick “For Hecuba!” in between long and complex sentences (II.ii.585). The juxtaposing syntax only emphasizes the illusion to Greek Mythology, further intensifying Hamlet’s feelings toward his mother.  Shakespeare’s illusion adds to the overall theme of revenge, emphasizing the connection between Hamlet and mythical Achilles. Hamlet continues in his sharp insecurity, questioning himself in asking “am I a coward?” (II.ii. 598) There is a shift in mood as Hamlet yells out “remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!” (II.ii. 608). The feelings of odiousness shift from his mother to Claudius, revealing Hamlet’s hatred for his mother as well as his intense desire for revenge against his uncle. The shift into hostile diction further establishes Hamlet’s blaming of his mother, but violent desires toward his uncle. Following this statement, Hamlet is clearly decisive and “prompted to revenge by heaven and hell” establishing revenge as a noble idea (II.ii. 613). The shift Hamlet undergoes from his own self-deprecation into sharp purpose establishes revenge in the soliloquy as a necessary course of action, also setting up for Hamlet’s descent into madness. Through Shakespeare’s use of changes in diction, he reveals the necessity and morality within Hamlet’s seemingly dark and violent desires for revenge. There is this idea established that his mother is not worth the thought and the action of revenge, whereas his uncle is the prime target for Hamlet’s anger. The concluding heroic couplet of “the plays the thing wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king” establishes a child-like assonance contrasted against the violent desires in the soliloquy (II.ii. 633-634). As a whole, the passage suggests Hamlet’s tactful nature in his enactment of revenge, but also his hate-driven indifference in actions toward his mother. He blames her through his use of Greek mythology, yet seemingly ignores her for the rest of the soliloquy, emphasizing the idea that she is not even worth Hamlet’s tactful planning, further revealing the underlying hatred Hamlet has for not only his mother, but his unjustified distaste for all women. Hamlet’s quest for revenge is portrayed as a noble one. This conflict in morality reflects human nature’s conflict in the perception that violent actions with a reason are less immoral and in some cases justified. Shakespeare really dissects this idea, ultimately arguing through Hamlet that it can be the cause of madness.

Reflection of the Patriarchy in Hamlet

Literature often serves as a reflection for reality, a mirror that reflects parts of humanity that are often looked over or so ingrained into society that these aspects are often overlooked. Shakespeare’s Hamlet explores a number of aspects of the human condition, including revenge, morality and complex relationships. However, one facet of human nature explored in Hamlet was once so ingrained into society, it was easily overlooked in the time Hamlet was published. With modern eyes, the idea of gender roles  is heavily explored, revealing the sexism found within human nature.

Easily the most revealing aspect of Hamlet into the sexism of reality is the character Ophelia in her relationships with other characters. She is warned by Laertes to never lose her “chaste treasure” and to see Hamlet “no more” (I.iii. 35, 11). Through Laertes’ patronizing phrases of “perhaps he loves you now” and “fear it, my dear sister” Shakespeare reveals the strict gender confinements Ophelia is kept in (I.iii.17, 37). While Laertes is presumably her equal due to their status and age, his commands to her to stay pure reveal the patriarchal structure of human society. Similarly, there are ongoing instances of objectification Ophelia faces. Despite Hamlet’s obvious grief due to the loss of his father and lack of support from his mother, Polonius believes Ophelia’s “good beauties be the happy cause of Hamlet’s wilderness” (II.i.42-44). Despite these instances of sexism, Ophelia remains complacent revealing the expectation of women to simply deal with their status in society without fighting back. It is interesting to note this complacency, as it further reveals the ingrained sexism in human nature and the pressure on both men and women to keep the status quo.

Hamlet’s treatment of his mother also further shows the ingrained sexism in society. While Hamlet’s anger toward his mother is justified, he goes on to say “frailty, thy name is woman” (I.ii.150). Hamlet also verbally attacks his mother in a way that questions her purity, emphasizing the pressure on women to maintain their “chaste treasure” as Laertes warns Ophelia (I.iii. 35). Gertrude is accused of taking “off the rose from the fair forehead of an innocent love” focusing on the floral imagery to again emphasize the expectations of frailty and purity on women (III. iv. 51-54). Hamlet orders Gertrude to “confess [herself] to heaven” and to “assume a virtue if you have it not” as if Hamlet had not just murdered Polonius (III.iv. 170, 181). His perception of being more moral than Gertrude further reveals the pressure of purity, as if being impure is the most heinous crime a woman can commit. As a whole, both the characters of Gertrude and Ophelia show the intense expectations placed women due to the patriarchal society they live in.

The Question of Motivation

To do my blog post or not to do my blog post – that is the question:

Whether ’tis easier to type out the 300 words

The thought and the time required to get a 10/10

Or to watch Netflix against the looming threat of a ‘B’

And Mrs. Brooks impending wrath. To write, to complete the assignment

I don’t want to– and Gossip Girl Season 3 Episode 2 lies waiting

The procrastination– how I wish I could be done with Highschool. To write, to complete the assignment-

Tis an effort I do not have the motivation to produce: ay, Season 3 promises to be amazing

For in that abyss of entertainment what else lies within the recommended section

That I wish to explore, to watch, to enjoy.

I need to write this blog post. There’s the desire

To excel, to feel the satisfaction of completion.

For who would procastinate for hours

Watching a mindless and unrealistic show,  set in the Upper East Side of New York

That lacks real depth, yet is so addicting.

Netflix, the satisfaction of completion

The fear of Mrs. Brooks wrath, “the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite”

The desire to conquer senioritis, and the fear of the final

That blog post waiting to be written,

When she herself presses the Netflix app,

Will she ever do it? She must, yet who else

Has completed it? Ideas stolen, motivation depleating

Blair and Serena are fighting again, how can she resist?

But that dread of failure,

The undiscovered and unwanted black mark in the grade book, from which

No A-student can recover from, no extra credit can fix

And makes “xoxo Gossip Girl” stop

But can she actually complete the blog post?

281 words. She is close, she can feel it.

Thus procrastination makes failures of us all,

And thus the ever pressing fear of a ‘B’

Is sickled over with the desire for mindless drama

And Dan slept with Georgina

With this detail how can she resist clicking “next episode”?

While the blog post waits for completion

With this regard she finishes the post.

And then clicks play.

Dear Hamlet,

Hey man,

I don’t want to tell you I understand. That’s just being unfair. You’re going through a lot right now, a lot of stuff I never have had to deal with. You have a lot of pressure on you right now to be strong and happy for your mother and that’s gotta be hard. You’re hurting I know.

You have to remember that even though you’re feeling really alone right now, you have a ton of people who support you and love you. You have Horatio and Marcellus, friends who really care about you and you can’t forget how much you mean to them, even though you’re going through a lot. You’ll always have Ophelia and you have to stay strong right now.

Like I said, I don’t want to pretend I understand what you’re going through but I know you still have so much to live for. Things are hard right now, but they can’t stay that way forever. You can’t force yourself to get better but you don’t have to grieve forever. You have the whole country of Denmark to explore. It’s yours. You have Horatio and you have Marcellus and you have Ophelia, people who want to see you succeed. You can’t Claudius get to you. You have so much strength, so much perseverance, Hamlet.

So feel the pain. Don’t listen to your mom, your uncle, anyone who tells you to get over it. You need to grieve, you need to feel. Give yourself time. There are no time limits for grief. But you have to remember who you are. You are Hamlet, son of the most powerful King of Denmark. You have so much strength, it’s in your blood. You will move past this, you will succeed. You have people who care about you and the strength of royalty. You can push through.